WFH
You may think I’m referencing the five-month ongoing circumstance of “working from home” many of us have been subject to recently, but I am actually referring to what I like to call, “working from hell.” While some may consider working from home, a luxury, I am not, I repeat - NOT - one of those people. I have always considered “being present” an important aspect to my career (lawyer over here). You show up. You speak with people. Sometimes very lengthy conversations. Sometimes difficult conversations. Sometimes some very weird conversations. In litigation. In business. In human kind - I find being present an imperative matter.
The ability to connect; to look people in the eye when discussing and resolving concerns. To make human associations beyond the scope of “just work.” To recognize that people are just that, people, with children and spouses and parents, battling illnesses; with challenges and obstacles; with personalities and humor. With a sense of self outside of the workplace. I think it’s important to get to know people on that level. It makes it easier to establish positive work relationships, but also, it makes it harder for people to be abrasive, rude, and unapologetically demanding behind computer screens. Because, surprise, after five months of e-mail communication, people start to forget that human component of work.
I think that’s been the hardest part about this process - the fact that you cannot separate home from work in a meaningful way. The fact that the e-mails don’t stop; that demands don’t stop. That people fail to recognize the uptick in work, the inundation of e-mails and requests, the increase in projects. Now don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled that I fall into the category of people who has continued to work through the pandemic. I am thankful and incredibly grateful for that daily. I am happy that my company has not suffered in the way that other companies have and has maintained a sense of “normalcy” through this unprecedented process, but that doesn’t mean it has been “easy.” It has been incredibly difficult to power off. The computer is always there. The work is always there. And the boundaries of time do not exist when you live where you work and work where you live.
Queue a walking ten-month old. As if the challenges of wfh aren’t difficult enough to navigate in and of themselves, adding a walking baby who loves to explore, touch, feel, run, play, read, and do everything but rest is quite a task. Needless to say, my husband and I have mastered juggling baby duty with work duties, meetings, conferences, and the regular day-to-day. 24 hours in one day simply do not feel like enough. While daycare has opened, and as of me writing this post, Julius has gone back to daycare (with quite a difficult transition), we spent five months with a rapidly growing, curious boy, 24-hours per day, working 12+ hours daily. Exhausting doesn’t begin to cut it.
Also queue, “mom guilt.” Man, is this a real thing. Not tending to your child’s needs (and letting your spouse take over) for several hours a day, where you aren’t reading, chatting, feeding, and playing with your little guy, makes you feel like a horrible mama. Some days are better than others. Some days are worse. Some days are riddled with worrying about Covid-19 and how that could impact our child; some days are full of contemplations of return to daycare, socialization, and a curriculum. And other days are jam-packed with the horrible realization that there are no right answers.
For those that have enjoyed the wfh process, I commend you. I simply do not operate in that way. While the initial change was welcomed and “kind of fun,” the sparkle was lost quite quickly for me, as I struggled to step away from work mode, to get restful sleep as projects expanded and demands increased, to take a breather for my own mental health. I have found myself, already an emotional individual, struggling to manage the emotions of isolation and seclusion; to normalize life in a positive way. To solely focus on the silver linings without frustration of all that is so unresolved in the current circumstances (don’t even get me started on the political climate which has had me wrought with anger in ways unimaginable). And while there have been silver linings, the adjustments have forced conversations and reflections that will likely lead to permanent changes.
So, if you find yourself in a similar boat as me, struggling for wfh balance (that seems to be never-ending), know that you are not alone. Whether you have children, whether you have a roommate, a spouse, or live alone, and whether you’ve gone through major live accomplishments or challenges in the last 5 months, you are not alone. And if you find yourself struggling, please pick up the phone, send a message, send a text, call, or reach out to me. I don’t want anyone to feel like there is no resolve in the process, as this too, shall pass.
-agl.
