The Inside Look - Post-Pregnancy
Congratulations! If you’re in this stage of your life, you’ve given birth to your most prized possession. You’ve endured the pain, vomiting, discomfort, and mental strain of the pregnancy process. Don’t get me wrong - you’ve had some glorious days and memories as well. You’ve been glowing, stretching, expanding - feeling an energy and love that is simply irreplaceable. You are a mama. And there is nothing quite like that experience that can compare. You have been immeasurably strengthened through the journey into motherhood.
But this article isn’t about all those blessings and joy derived from that journey. It is about all of the things no one talks about post-pregnancy. The stuff that grit is made of. The literal sweat, blood, and tears endured well after you’ve arrived home with your bundle of joy. That’s right - it’s about the tough stuff. The stuff people have a hard time expressing. The stuff that society, in general, doesn’t want to hear much about. So here I am - screaming into the void - in the hopes that some of this will 1) bring you comfort; 2) give you the opportunity to prepare, both mentally, physically, and materially to ease the process and stress; and 3) flag some products and things I found to be extremely helpful in recovery and self-care.
Lord knows, and I have shouted it from the rooftops, THANK GOODNESS FOR EPIDURAL. Now obviously, everyone has a different birth experience. Neither is right or better than the other. Some folks have to have c-sections, some have detailed birth plans, some go all natural (bless you), some have doulas and home births, and many have a plan that is blown to shit because that baby will do what it wants to do. I went into delivery with that expectation. My first child was measuring large - 9.2lbs. in my ultrasound, which meant baby could be +/- 1lb. at birth. I discussed options with my doctor, especially for the potential 10.2lb baby, but ultimately decided to deliver vaginally. I didn’t have a birth plan. My mentality was - I want epidural and we are winging the rest (in a controlled hospital environment). For me, flexibility was key. I did not want to feel disappointed by the process, so there were no expectations.
And good thing I did because my son still had his own plans. I had to be induced 12 days following his due date. Stubborn little guy. Induction took some time, but when he decided to make moves, he made them quick. I pushed for a whole 21 minutes before he entered the world. And THAT is when life changed. It was also the moment that the recovery process (in all its messy and emotional glory) became crystal clear.
There were adult diapers, ice packs, cooling sprays, cooling pads, nipple creams, Peri bottles, nursing pads, shaking legs, pee pads, towels, telephone calls, texts, and many tears. While all of it felt quite inconsequential at the time, riding the high of becoming a mama and the emotional rollercoaster of flatlining and “normalizing” hormones, it was an endeavor. A huge endeavor. One often underestimated or overshadowed by the overwhelming love you’re immersed in and the change in focus in care-taking. But one that needs to be recognized, and discussed.
While I did not experience postpartum depression, I know many people in my life that had. I watched them struggle. I watched them stay silent. I watched them feel like strangers in their own skins. I watched and I supported, until the floodgates opened to their own realizations and the need for help to directly tackle their experience. Most notably, all individuals enduring postpartum depression (that I have talked to) felt a sense of relief in identifying the uncertainty of their emotions, seeking help, and finding solace in others’ shared experiences. Talking about it was an irreplaceable way to rediscover a sense of self. For those folks, I am here. Shoot a text, DM, call, e-mail, or send a carrier pigeon - I don’t care. But I am here if you need a safe space to let it all out.
The physical recovery is real. You don’t quite feel like yourself, but you feel empowered by your experience. Just remember, give yourself time to heal and take care of yourself. To assist in that process, here are some of my favorite (and life-saving) items I used in the process:
Peri Bottle (the hospital does provide one, but the linked one is also great);
Tuck’s Medicated Pads (throw a couple of those bad boys into those sexy Depends);
Dermoplast Pain Relieving Spray (then spray yourself down with this heavenly concoction); and
Ice Packs (the hospital does provide you with a bunch of disposable ones, but I also got these as time went on. Frida Mom has other options as well).
I also experienced uncontrollable night sweats. We are talking about liters of water. I woke up with my entire body soaked (often cold because my pjs were soaked head to toe), sheets and blankets all wet. It was horrible. And it went on for about 5-6 weeks, likely from the balancing of my hormones, but it was awful. I quickly learned to 1) sleep with a thick, large, towel under me (as the sheet changing was getting excessive) and also bought a terry-cloth style blanket for myself so that our sheets/duvet weren’t getting obliterated on a nightly basis. For night sweats, I was wholly unprepared, as no one had flagged that for me as one of their post-delivery experiences. Not sure if it happens to many people, but it is real and possible, so be on the lookout and also take comfort in knowing that it will end…eventually.
One of the biggest mental and physical hurdles for me was breastfeeding. I know this is a sensitive and personal topic to many, but in my opinion, fed baby is the best option. For me personally, I wanted to try nursing and told myself if I could manage, the goal would be 6 months. I nursed/pumped until 8.5 months (and had developed a freezer stash), but my son had transitioned to bottle feedings a week or so of me being back to work (he was 7 weeks old). To be honest, I don’t think I was prepared for the emotions I would feel surrounding breastfeeding. It is hard af. While you adjust, you have clogged ducts, cracked and bleeding nipples, and a whole slew of mental turmoil about whether you’re letting down and whether your baby is eating enough and whether you are producing enough. It is a difficult experience. One that many women who try nursing go through. Ultimately, we introduced formula + rice cereal for night feedings and breastmilk throughout the day (and adjusted accordingly as purees and solids were introduced). As mentioned, I was predominantly pumping, which I was fine with, preferred actually. I found breastfeeding to be a thing I wanted to do for my child, but did not have the same type of “bonding” that so many speak of in that process. There were other, more prevalent ways I bonded with my son and shortly after my transition into pumping, I just felt better and healthier - less stressed, less anxiety ridden. I managed my expectations and understanding better AND (major perk) could get help with feedings from my husband and was able to better track how much my son was eating - which was a lot (about 45-50oz. per day). I found my comfort in that space and recognize that each mother is completely different. BUT, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t use some tools to help me through the process:
Coconut Oil (I tried a variety of nipple creams and balms, but none of them helped me in the same way that coconut oil did);
Pumping Bra (there are a million options out there, so find one most comfortable for you); and
Haakaa (used to catch let down while nursing on a single side).
Obviously, there are a variety of pumps out there - I used Medela with my son and will be using Medela with my second (due 4/21), but will also be applying the Elvie Hands Free Pump to make my life with a toddler, infant, and working mom more manageable. However, even if you don’t get/use a hands free pump, I strongly recommend getting a battery power pack for your pump, as well as a car plug, as those will come in handy during travel (and make you life exponentially easier, particularly in international travel and stays).
This post is not meant to scare you. On the contrary - it is meant to give you some insight to allow you to prepare yourself for some aspects of postpartum life that not many people truly discuss. I found great comfort in connecting with friends and sharing experiences and support in this time of need when it feels like not many people understand your emotions (unless they’ve experienced the same). It was incredibly reassuring and helpful to check in with other mamas (even ones I was not super close with), who offered up ideas, similar feelings, books that helped them, and an overall community of kickass women that had been building underground prior to my own mama days.
I also want to highlight the importance of establishing these support networks and recognizing the importance of post-delivery mental health in the time of Covid-19. Motherhood and the postpartum process have incredibly isolating moments. Moments where you feel disconnected, drained, stripped of the person that you were as you evolve into the person you’re becoming. It is a magical and strengthening time, but challenging in its beauty, nevertheless. So I encourage you to be hyper vigilant about self care, even if it may make you feel selfish or guilty. It is an act of selflessness to ensure that you are at your best to take on your new role. Always remember that and give yourself the grace to take care of yourself, while taking care of others.
On a final note, if you’re looking for some additional reading material post-delivery, I recommend the following:
“The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” for the breastfeeding (or struggling) mama. Caveat with this one: it does have a sense of breastfeeding being the best option, so take it with a grain of salt. BUT, it does have valuable information if you are trying to breastfeed.
“The Fifth Trimester” for the back to work mama.
- agl.
